One hot afternoon a few of us kids were cycling back from school back in the late 90s and there were a few of friends who were a couple of years elder to me with us that afternoon. They were talking about something and said “Do a baba test and you’ll know what to do.”
I asked them what they meant by a Baba test. He said whenever we encounter a difficult situation we imagine what our parents would’ve done in this situation. We do a Baba(Dad) test or a Mama(Mom) test depending on the situation, and arrive at how we should act.
I will confess to applying that strategy to my decision making seldom yet there are certain situations I think I have asked myself if what my dad would’ve done had he been presented with the same situation and acted accordingly. On the same lines I’ve also at times asked myself if what my parents would make of it if i’d to tell them that i’m going ahead and doing that. What would they make of me if I were to tell that I was presented with this situation and this is how I acted.
I also think about it because of an important reason. I have been told by my mother of multiple instances where my dad appreciated some of the decisions I took and how I handled some situations, the way I did. To have your dad say that about you to your mom is a special feeling. It made me realize that he observes what I do, how I reason and think over it and opine to my mom if not to me. So it matters to him, the decisions I take, no matter how small it is. So it makes me wonder how people take some decisions without bothering to think about others. How self-focussed and centered they are in their decision making process. They don’t realize that “I don’t care what people think” isn’t doing them much good. Because then people stop caring what you think too. It’s akin to telling people, hey your opinion holds nothing in my life. To a friend, a brother, sister or anyone who genuinely cares, to hear that isn’t pleasant.
I have a friend visiting over and he and I had issues over his smoking habits quite a few years ago and I met him last year and he claimed he’d changed big time. That he was off cigarettes and alcohol quite completely. Over the past year I have seen him consume alcohol and act silly. That is still fine by me. Alcohol does less harm that a pack of cigarettes do. What alarmed me is his returning habit of smoking. It’s a strange feeling of de ja vu and it’s unsettling. It brings back memories of the past I had left behind. We were inseparable brothers and this habit brought the divide between us and today to have him lie to me about his smoking habits and me discovering the truth in the way that I did, has left a bad taste in my mouth. I’m not sure I’m going to have a peaceful night’s sleep.
His dad discovered this habit and was visibly broken, so was his mom. And they were pivotal in his decision to quit this habit. I’m sure he’s told them he has quit it completely. I’m sure they don’t bother to enquire because they trust his word. And so I think over what his parents would feel if they were to discover what I just did. And I shudder to think them hear their son say “I don’t care what you think“. I wish he’d done a Baba test at least once before touching that stick of tobacco or that he still does.
I guess somethings in life are taken for granted and parents’ love and care tops that list!
May wisdom and gratitude be more prevalent!