I think one of worse moments of life is when you’re talking to a very very good friend of yours and they say something and right at that moment you know it’s a lie. I’m not sure what else is more subtle yet hurts a little more than a pinch, but that sure feels like looking at your favorite shirt caught in a nail on a lovely bridge walking on a lovely evening, and you hear that sound of the fabric ripping. You know something bad has happened. it’s a small hole that the small nail head jutting out of the handrail on the wooden bridge but it made your perfect shirt a little less perfect !
That’s what that small lie does to your friendship. It rips it in a small place. And you know that it a tiny thing ! But it is there. Like a dot on a white sheet of paper. I remember most of such instances and I still feel bad about them all. I still cannot look into the eyes of my friends and ask them why! I still cannot come to terms with just what was the reason for them to lie.
A friend of mine once told she was busy over the weekend and was going for a potluck party. She’d apparently joined this potluck group in the locality i stayed in. Little did she know that one of our common friends who apparently she was going out with, but had hid from me, had invited her to his company’s potluck party. It’s a small thing isn’t it? You’d say. Hey.. so what.. she just didn’t want to let you know that. To which I’d say.. Hey.. I wouldn’t have broken my friendship or less been upset with her because she was planning to attend a common friend’s potluck party! Not that she cancelled my movie plans with her n chose the party! Even if it was that, i’d still say Okay.. your pick lady! Everyone is entitled to choose what they want to do, but why lie?
Another friend of mine was on a vacation once and I didn’t want to disturb her but she made it a point to show me around the hotel room through a skype call on the first day of her vacation. And she was visiting another country where apparently the internet services aren’t too good. Agreed! But you did have enough phone and internet service to have a video chat with me right? We go back a long way. From the next day onwards she refused to reply to any of my pings or mails for the full 3 weeks of the vacation. Which is again fine! You’re on a vacation and you want to cut off from the world. Hell i cut off from the world sitting in my room. But she comes back and tells me, Hey the internet was really poor in that country. Thatsy never replied to your pings. I say cool, you warned it might be bad! A week later she says, I was talking to my ex every single day on my vacation on skype calls because he was in a bad shape! Oops… ! And it comes out unintentionally and of course she doesn’t remember she’s lied to me about the internet availability because there is no awkward silence of any sort at any time post the revelation.
And i say to myself.. boy.. why was that required? I’d have loved a “Hey dude, would you mind if I got back and talk to you? I’m not too much in the mood to chat with you right now!” I ain’t no psychotic boyfriend of yours. I’d say “Cool, have a good one!”
Why can’t you plainly slap it on my face??? Whats the big fucking deal? Do you even understand that my love for the shirt is less now. That i hate that nail that ripped my shirt. I hate the people who made you lie to me. And having said that, I now don’t care two rats fart worth of shit what those people mean to you, because they happened to do something that convinced or compelled you to feel justified to lie to me. To take advantage of my trust and take me on a joyride. For you to think that i was stupid, that it was okay to lie, worst of all that it was worth it!
Hell no, to me my friendships aren’t worth the lie… any lie!
At 330 am on a Wednesday morning I feel like punching the wall or running a marathon or doing 50 push ups till i run out of breath just so I calm down! That’s what lies do to me..