I don’t care and it doesn’t matter

I was reading Khushwant Singh’s Absolute Khushwant sometime a couple of years ago and he mentions in one of the places that through his life he never got close to anyone. He never made any friends for life and that at 95 when he looks back he has no regrets. He says “When people left me and went or when people played games with me, I just said one thing to myself “I don’t care and It doesn’t matter!” ” 

I have agreed to most of what he says in that book and I like the way he deals or dealt with things. For instance he went to the graveyard and sat there at times when he felt extremely low. Sitting in the graveyard cleansed him of the intense emotion. There are other things that I loved and related to but stating that would turn this post into a book review and waste my energies on an un-intended sparklingly wonderful book review covered under the wraps of what started off as a rather contemplative post. The typica evening musings you have sitting on a Friday evening in your hotel suite looking out of that small window into some other buildings and typing into your laptop. 

I have thought of it many times and everytime Khushwant Singh’s picture comes to my mind. Should I stop caring? On various instances I have seen that if you stop caring people wake up. Of course that is not to be generalized. Some people react only to caring and react to ignorance with ignorance as is with me. If you don’t care, I won’t either. If you do, I do. It’s a give an take for me. I don’t mind giving the extra bit for a longer period of time or through your bad patches but as long as I know it’s going to be worth the sacrifice. OR also if you’ve in the past shown me that it will be worth it. But the day I know or realize it’s giving me more pain than hope I shall back off and let you be. Wait until you call me and then be ready to walk again. 

So while I will turn, I won’t turn away forever.. But then as I write this, I’m drawn back to the statement I don’t care and It doesn’t affect me. 

There are times you really want to smack yourself across the face or punch that fist into the wall and tell yourself that “Enough dude… it doesn’t matter anymore, and let it not affect you”.

I wish I could do that. Some of my friends seem to be able to do it with quite blatant and defiant confidence. I on the other hand seem to wait a little too long for the rope to snap before calling it off. 

This evening I wish I could do it earlier. 

But it’s a Friday!!! So drink me up hearties.. Savvy!!! 

TO Tortugaaaa…..