Contemplative and philosophical as it may sound, I have come to realize that having a life of purpose will leave me more peaceful in the grave than one of love, lust, parties, random associations, good job, high salary, lavish living, and richness.
All of these I do wish for at different points in time but more often than not, I am left asking myself why am I here, what is it that I want to be known as, what is it that I want to do that will bring a smile to me a tear of joy, a sigh of happiness, a heart filled with emotion?
I have come to realize that while there are a lot of moments you live through your life which overwhelm you, make you feel proud, or just make you purr with shyness and coyness, and they’re all profound, beautiful moments, some of which you’ll remember for long, but they cannot fill in the long term, more deep dissatisfaction that lies within you.
I talk to my friends and almost all of them wish to open a restaurant, bar or a small food joint sometime in their life and live on an island. When I ask them if they’re saving up for it or are planning for one. Not one, and I’m not saying this to make a point, but not ONE has a plan. And I too am in the same group of individuals who dreams of someday going and settling in the himalayan villages as a teacher or like most others opening a small food joint somewhere. But I too don’t have a plan.
But then I know some of what I have wanted to do look closer than just a dream to me today when I look at what I am doing and what I can achieve.
I have lived through love, long lasting friendship, betrayals, lies (both me lying and other lying to me), through profound sense of wonder, through sheer peace and tranquility, through quiet evenings spent in leisure filled with satisfaction and happiness in the best of company. I will not deny the fact that there was a phase in my life where I thought , this is the life I want. And it’s not one of those passing statements you make sitting in a beach on an island on a vacation. I did mean it, and even today when I look back I agree it was one of the most wonderful phases of my life and I wish things hadn’t changed, but things did and what looked like a strong edifice of unbreakable bond was broken. People experimented, hid things, delayed disclosures, and everyone felt justified in taking their own decisions on things that involved the larger group. Cracks developed and the edifice is not more than just a debris now.
I still try to hold on to pieces, we all are. Some of us have given up, the others don’t want to try yet live in hope, the rest try and live in hope. All said and done, human relationships are difficult to last a lifetime. But purpose, lasts.
And after the roller coaster ride that I have lived in the past 6 odd years of my life, I have come to a firm conclusion that I’d like my life to be driven by purpose rather than a longing and hope for materialistic, ethereal and surreal.
Purpose is closer to reality and hence easier to deal with. Purpose is closer to practical world. Purpose is yours and yours alone. Purpose is defined, chased and achieved solely by you and doesn’t depend on another soul making decisions on your behalf. Purpose is not a goal and yet it is something you can chase and feel satisfied about having chased as long as you did.
Purpose is truth!