Of leaving home


For those of the handful of you who visit this blog, here’s what’s up in my life off late.

I quit my job and went home about a month and a half ago. I was jaded, tired and exhausted. I was depressed about things, about leaving the place that had given me so much, so much that i never expected. Place that had given me people and friendships that will last a lifetime (Or so i feel). I was depressed that i had changed into someone i had not imagined. I was upset that I was not able to improve myself and the situations and make them more live-able with for me, for my friends, for my family, for others.

I was frustrated. But i was home as well. I was in a place i knew i’d find peace, tranquility, love and care. But not all you think turns out the way you want it to. Home was different than i had expected. I dreamed of evening tea with the family around, of conversations and laughters and movies together. But in your dreams you forget to see the reality and the reality in which others are living. Home was busy, home was happening, home was on the edge, waiting to snap at every instant of provocation or a pedictive provocation. Home was unsettling!

My own emotions were unsettling. I was fighting not only myself, i was fighting people’s expectations, i was fighting my own expectations, i was fighting the circumstances that were changing. There was just continuous fight. It lasted a whole one month, with bits of peace, moments of realizations, moments of enlightenment, and some of extreme clarity of vision.

All this was compounded by the preparation to fly off to a land across the world. To plan a life of 2 years in studies. Something i really wanted to get back to for quite a while now. I was tired of people and politics. I was simply tired of working FOR people. I wanted to work for myself. I wanted to live for myself. Selfish??? I care a rats fart…

I wanted to learn, i wanted to invent, i wanted to ideate, i wanted to write, i wanted to listen, i wanted to grasp, i wanted to understand, i wanted to use up my creativity, i wanted to sharpen my mind. I wanted a whole lot of things. All for myself, coz i was simply tired of being used, and being rusted, and being dumb, and being a no one, and being a loser. Loser at work, loser at cooking, loser at relationships, loser at suppressing anger.

I got off that place, they call home. It wasn’t pleasant even after all the turmoil. I wanted to stay and help, i couldn’t. I took off, no realising i was taking off. Loser again at realizing things soon, till they hit home. I was on the flight sitting like a zombie looking straight at the in-flight entertainment on an aisle seat. I had 5 handbages. Istanbul came, i shopped, i boarded the next one to NY. NY came, i find flight to Buffalo canceled. !!!

The entertainment starts here. I observe a “Deposit your bags here!” Board. I wonder if I should leave my bags here and take off into the city of NY and roam through the night till the next morning and then get back and board the flight to Buffalo next afternoon? I then give into my rational logic self, the cowardly, play-it-safe self, and call up my cousing in NJ. I then bus it down to Newark and he comes and picks me up at the airport with bhabhi. I am treated to a wonderful dinner at 1:30 am. I hog like i haven’t in a long time. I then sleep flat like a log. Morning it is and I get some golf lessons from my cousin bro. First time ever i hold a golf club and hit a ball which takes off and lands a few yards away. My cousin seems to be impressed and exclaims “Surprised how you could make the ball take off like that in your first shot! It’s generally not that easy.”.

“Beginner’s luck”, i chuckle to myself. We then drive around to see the locality and it is pristine and beautiful as i have not seen anything. Farms stretched to the horizons, small hills, and green trees on either side of the road. Cottage like houses. Pretty looking wooden houses.

We then get back and i HOG on the breakfast. Masala dosas, countless i go on for about 20 min munching on them. We debate if he should drop me off at Newark and i take the shuttle to JFK from there or he drive me down to JFK directly. We decide on the latter and starts the wonderful drive. Pink Floyd’s The Wall is on the stereo and we drive down on the Highway cruising at about 120 kmph in the Infiniti car of my cousin.

We reach JFK and starts the next round of confusion. I have problems checking in my Backpack.. I finally get that through. Then comes the security, which apparently has a HUGE line. So they open the gates for security in another building and few of us a walked to that building and that gate, where again there’s a good crowd, so we’re walked to another gate. Finally I clear the security and board the flight. Last thing i want is a mess up now. I land safely, and so does my baggage. I collect it and am roaming around the airport waiting to catch a glimpse of Zubin (Antariksh) my childhood friend, who’s agreed to come pick me up at the airport. I see 3 people Β walking inside the airport and Somewhere i had a hunch they’d turn up but i’d be frank, i slammed that hunch down and said “Nay… they ain’t comin’ ” πŸ™‚ So i was pleasantly surprised at seeing them. I loved the hugs and the handshakes. Feels great to be in the company of people you’ve known for more than 2 decades, especially when you’re just 25.. Oops! 26.

Friends for 2 decades is a wonderful feeling !!! We had an awesome evening, I had a lot of firsts that day. First time i’ve played dart seriously as a game. First time i played Pool. First time i played foozeball. First time i drove a car in the US (although it was at 3 am in Antariksh’s locality).. a lot of firsts to begin with… that was fun!!! πŸ˜€

And then i reached Buffalo the next day and we saw off Tulika at the airport and Prashant at Rochester itself. It was time to go. Thanks to Delta airlines 1.5 days of fun was reduced to 1 day of fun… 😐 But we still had good fun. That mattered. !

Buffalo was fun. First trek we had to the Eternal Flame water falls. A place which had a flame under the water fall which burns eternally. Some gap in the land, where natural gas is stored in good amount. So the flame is in eternal supply of fuel. Small waterfall but good one to start off with.

Quite an eventful last month or so ain’t it??? Niceee…. Lets see how the rest of it goes. More on the house, the rent, owner and the roommies in a while.. πŸ™‚

By the Bye..

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2 thoughts on “Of leaving home

  1. Wow! I lost the link to the blog and missed so much!!!
    What an eventful beginning. SouthIndian food in NYC, driving a car, golf, treks.

    W.H.O.A.

    You’re going to be totally awesome. Worry not for a single second. Study hard. Dream. Travel. Eat. Plan more travels.

    And if you see a truck with BOLW written on it, take a picture πŸ™‚

    1. BOLW shall not go unmissed.. For all you know i might paint it on the back of my truck.. if and when i have one! Rent karunga to papaer me likh ke chipka dunga.. πŸ˜‰

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