Seeing my own Death!!!

How often does one see his/her death in his/her dreams??? well i was one of the lucky ones…

The dream went something like this…
I was at this place with some of my friends from school and college mixed up and all of them knew the other (somehow, dunno how though) it was dark.. probably sometime in the evening.. and the place we were sitting was something of an institution like a school or a college… ( i believe it was college coz we dint look like school kids certainly… 😛 )
Before i continue i’d like to point out that i can see myself in the dream.. so i am actually moving in and out of me in the dream.. basically the camera which is capturing the whole scene is alternating between being within me and outside me throughout the dream… 😛
We are all sitting in this park… the park is adjacent to the hostel building… there are these concrete structures made in the park some abstract structures… and we guys some ten of us are sitting one one of the structures and talking…. This structure we’re sitting on looks like one of the lego things we used to make when we were children.. its basically looks like huge cubes of concrete placed on one another… somthing like wats on the pic but without the base pillar.. so i’m sitting on the topmost block(or so you call it)…
We guys are chatting and having some real good fun and laughing… It keeps going on for a while before there’s some real loud noise, something like a gun shot in some distance…
We suddenly see some guards running towards us with their rifles… all of us taken aback… and by the time we can react to this there’re are a few army cadres running in towards us with their AK-47s… More gun shots are heard and there’s complete panic around the place…. everyone starts to run…
some of us who’re sitting on the top can dismount immediately and so try our level best to get down not getting hurt..
i see myself not being able to find a way to get down from the 15-20 foot tall structure… i see some 3-4 men running in from the field behind and shooting at us…
the army cadres reply with gun fire… and i’m all stuck in between exchange of fire here praying for my life….
i see one of my other friends is also stuck up one step below me… i shout asking him to jump and we both jump on the ground… and immediately run to a wall to get some shelter from the gunfire… and i discover that i have moved in the wrong direction while the other guy went in the right direction and i hit the wrong wall which has brick holes in it (part of the design).. and i lie on the ground trying to reduce my visibility to the attackers…
the gun fire continues.. after a few seconds i’m just a li’l curious to see if i’m doing well in reducing the visibility and so i get up to see where the so called terrorists are.. and i stare right into the eyes of one of them and make myself completely visible to them…
The next thing i know is a bullet hits my temple and i’m on the ground….
and then before i get up from the shock of wat i’ve just seen i’m confronted with this thought… “You wanted to be in the army and here you’re fucking scared of death, and haven’t done a single thing right in the whole episode thats just transpired. You were anyway no good for it…”
Ego busting, that thought was and kept me hanging on it for a long time that night… and the next day and a couple of days after that..
The sight of me dying was something i can never forget… It is a different feeling altogether to’ve seen such a thing…. I’m in paucity of words to express my feelings on the subject… While there’s an element of thrill attached to wat i experienced there’s also this macabre face of it that i’d wish no one sees…
Life lived in the fear of death is not a life lived…!!!

4 thoughts on “Seeing my own Death!!!

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